The holidays have taken over my brain, so I haven't blogged much lately about the adoption....Lots to catch up on at another time, but for now here are some of my quick thoughts and updates from the last few days that I've been reflecting on:
-I wonder if our son will be with us next Christmas. I want to buy his stocking at an after Christmas sale for next year, but I will refrain for now....I don't want his stocking to be a leftover...I'm just excited to have him with us.
-I think Adam is getting anxious for some boy stuff in the house, so Santa brought the girls a train set for Christmas....and they LOVE IT!
-I calculated tonight that we've raised/earned/been donated/& worked hard for more than 1/3 of our costs. WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! That made me super happy. Like really happy. Like a "teeny tiny bit less overwhelmed with the enormity of the cost" happy. God provides. Why the heck do I ever EVER doubt Him?
-A change we found out about today is that we can't submit our dossier now until we receive back our I-171H approval from USCIS. We are waiting for our fingerprint appointment in Denver and then we'll get our approval after that. The short explanation is that we just can't submit our dossier to Ethiopia to get on the waitlist for a little bit longer. How much longer? I don't know. Ask the Immigration peeps. I've decided to stop giving myself timelines. (But secretly hoping they don't have much going on up there and are bored and want to just give us our approval ASAP.)
-And to close, (warning....downer thoughts coming) there is something that is bothering me and I can't put my finger on it. I'll just be open and honest and forgive my ramblings, because my thoughts on this one are all over the place and aren't making much sense....Here I go...So my girls have their daddy's eyes. Everyone knows that. Ava has my stubborn streak and that little crinkle on her nose, she gets from me. These are things that are always pointed out to us by just about anyone, including strangers. And there is a laundry list of more. I don't care that people mention them. That doesn't bother me. They are compliments. They are facts. Nothing is wrong with those statements. (Yes, I'm proud of being stubborn!)
I'm fearful that our son won't have any of "those things". I have worries about him sitting around with friends, family, whomever and hearing all these statements about his sisters and all that relates them to me and Adam and him not having anything. There is already so much that sets him apart from a lot just due to the fact that he is adopted. As his mother, I want to make it as little as possible. Because to me, he is just my son, part of our family. I don't want people to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me and to feel like they can't compliment Addison's eyes....please do! It's just the other part that I'm worried about and I don't know how to make it better in my head.
Those who have been there, done that, please give me your wisdom! And if it's as simple as "Rachel, you're overthinking this...it will be fine and a non-issue", that would be fabulous.
3 comments:
Breathe in. Breathe out. Love is a miracle and so is completely unrelated to genetics. I'm sure there are times when you marvel at your girls and think "where in the heck did THAT trait/behavior/thought come from?!" Your son will be a miracle to you, and you will be a miracle to him. Once you hold him in your arms, you'll forget any worries about similarities or differences.
My son is adopted from Guatemala and shares no physical traits with me or my husband. But, there are traits or mannerisms that he has that are still ours, like the way he rests his chin in his palm and drums his fingers on his cheek when he's thinking like my husband. And your son will have those things too. Don't be hard on yourself for processing these thoughts, but do know that it will all be amazing and just absolutely perfect. Adoption is truly an incredible journey.
P.S. I went to high school with Adam, in case you are wondering who the heck I am!
That questioning is something I do most every day. Parenting as adoptive parents has been very different for me. I second guess behaviors, comments, etc. I don't take everything at face value anymore with my two Swazi babes. I always wonder if there is more to it than just what appears. Sometimes there is and sometimes there isn't. Either way, thinking about it is important, I think. It is important to be sensitive. We are talking a lot with Isaiah right now about the ways that he matches us because he was in tears recently over the fact that his skin does not match ours. Heartbreaking. On the other hand, he is my son just as much as Cody and Sam. I will always share his story with him. I pray that God uses that story to reassure him of His plan in his life.
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