1 Year Home.

When we were in the middle of the adoption  I remember reading other peoples posts about their Gotcha Days, their at home anniversaries, etc (Confession..I actually don't like that phrase "Gotcha" when it comes to adopting...Another post could explain why...but let's be honest, I won't get around to it.) I just remember reading their posts thinking "I have absolutely NO IDEA what they are talking about...I don't understand their world that they are in. It was too foreign of a thought for me. Reading stories about how well their kids are adjusting, or how attachment and bonding is going, how much better their health is, and English.  By the way...I'm finding that attachment is VERY different than bonding-It's easy to use them both as the same, but they aren't. 

Well 2 weeks ago we finally got to celebrate Kellen being in our family for 1 year. 
Adam and I gave each other high fives for surviving (yes) the first year. 
Kellen got Chick-fil-A for dinner (ok..he gets this like every week. Don't judge)
I posted a picture on Facebook. 
It was pretty low key. 

But inside all the emotions started. I remembered thinking about the last year and all that has transformed our family. 

Kellen's health is good. He was sick when he came home. But very treatable with medicine. But I didn't take for granted that was he was sick with what people are dying from every day. It's crazy to me that I pay a simple co-pay for a prescription a few times and my son is all better. And for millions of people, they die from dirty water. And the awful parasites that come with it. It's taken his belly almost a year to fully heal from the effects.

Kellen has grown 4 inches since being home. His head has grown 45%. I know I could compare these numbers with my daughters on their well checks, but you see..His doctor was measuring him on the World Health Organization charts because he is from a 3rd world country. His stats are different and when he came home, some of his stats were very low. 

His eyes are no longer glossed over. He isn't just starting off into space when looking at you. There is life in his eyes. If there is one word to describe him, it's life!

He still isn't speaking much, but we are working on it. He understands a ton. He communicates to us in other ways. (Trust me...boy is LOUD!)

It took us a good few months to get into our grove as a family of 5. I think (hope) we have found it. 

We are still working on the whole "bonding" with him. But I know and hope it will come. I just have to be patient. For every time he pushes me away when he is hurt or sad versus wanting a mothers comfort, I have to love him harder and a bit different in those moments. For the times when he just randomly comes up behind me and hugs me, I celebrate inside. My heart leaps. I am thankful for him. I'm thankful he made Ava a big sister. I'm thankful Addison holds his hand walking around. I'm thankful he bugs his sisters...ALL THE TIME because that is what brothers do best. 

I am super thankful for a small group of girlfriends who are also walking this adoption road. One has been a mom for years to her kiddos. The other has been an adoptive mom for almost 4. In those conversations I feel safe. I feel heard. I don't feel judged. I feel encouraged and uplifted. 

I'm thankful for this first year. Looking forward to the next!

The tragic beauty of adoption

Sometime throughout the process of us adopting, I heard an online sermon called "The tragic beauty of adoption."  I'm thankful for this sermon because as an adoptive parent, it forces you to connect with both sides of adoption...and I'll be honest, the tragic part of adoption, I believe it's missing in many areas of adoption preparation...

In order for a child to be adopted or orphaned it means that something sad/awful/sad/horrible/sad/reality had to have happened to that child beforehand.

one or both parents had to have died. 
one or both parents are dying of disease or malnutrition.
one or both parents abandon a child in a toilet, a ditch, a corner in an abandoned house, a fire station, a church, a school, a street corner under a light. 
The child is a product of an affair, and therefore must be given up.
one parent is abusive. The other parent is lame. 
one parent is in prison, while the other is prostituting in order to pay bills. 
one is just simply a prostitute. 
one parent has favor over the other kids, and this one isn't worthy to still be in the family. 
one parent makes the child sleep out, among the slop. 
Boys are favored over girls. 
Girls are favored over boys. 
Drugs took over the mother while pregnant...Child is now paying for the mom's bad choices the rest of it's life. 
The state terminates the rights of the parents because they are just not fit to parent a child because of poor choices. 
One or both parents just simply does not want the child. 
This list could go on and on. I'll stop there because it can get way depressing, huh?

In order for an orphan to have a family, a tragedy had to occur first. It's inevitable. It's a fact. All of those examples above, are real examples of kids or friends that we know. One of them is our son's story. 

It's so easy for people to get caught up in the "goodness" of bringing a child into your family. You hear things like 
-That child is so lucky! (This makes me cringe)
-You are doing a great thing. 
-Wow, I could never do that! I'm so glad someone is. 
But what often isn't discussed is the background as to why that child needed a family...Don't get me wrong. I ABSOLUTELY think that a child's story is their private information to be told to them by their parents at an age appropriate time...

I'm just saying that adoption isn't all glorious. Most people just see the end result..Child in family. Done deal. A lot of pain, hurt and confusion happens in that child's life. Before they are adopted (yes even as teeny tiny babies) or as a child, or teenager. It will always be a part of their life. The beauty is that a child is in a family. The tragic part is that the family is option #2 for them. (or in some kids cases, option #3,4 or 5)

The day we got the referral for Kellen, I was bouncing off the walls with excitement about to see my son's face for the first time. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw his face and read his papers...Read the story of the "why" he was being referred to our family. The "why" isn't beautiful. The "why" sucks. The "why" is pain and suffering. The "why" will be asked to us as he gets older. He is not treated as an orphan in our family. He is treated as our son, a pesky little brother and a little boy. On some things we parent him the same. On others, he needed a different type of TLC. That is up to us to figure out along the way. We have made mistakes. We will continue to make mistakes with all our kids. 

Isn't this like our own life and what the Lord did for us on the cross?

Sin=tragedy
Death on the cross = Grace=beauty. Adopted into the Kingdom. 
I'm glad the Lord hasn't given up on me. And that He won't. I'm glad He gives me the wisdom and strength to be open to understanding more about the messy part of adoption. I want to live in the messy. Because in the mess is where we learn, where we grow, where we experience Grace that we don't deserve. 

My thoughts....6 months home.

Wow....I really have let life pass by these last few months with completely ignoring the blog. But I hope to be a bit more regular with this...not just about Kellen and adoption, but about orphan care and social justice issues in general.

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated that Kellen had been home for 6 months! That is just crazy. I've heard people say when they adopt that they feel like their child has always been a part of their family forever...I will be honest...at 1 month, 2 months and even 4 months home, I didn't totally feel that way. The love was there. The time and attention was there. The sibling bickering was there. But we were still adjusting to being a family of 5. Kellen was still finding his place in sharing his mommy and daddy with his sisters. This makes sense to me because he is playing catch up on actually having a mommy and daddy. I don't blame him for always wanting to take 120% of our attention. All. the. time. But he is slowly learning that he is just as important to us as the girls are. And that sometimes he just has to wait his turn. And it's really cute when he knows he has to wait...we say "Now it's Addison's turn." and he puts his hands behind his back and purses his little lips as if he can hardly stand the wait!! We were in such a fog those first few months and felt like we were living survival mode every day. I don't want to sound discouraging...But I want to be honest. We knew it was going to be hard. And it was/is. But NOW I can say that I really do feel like he has always been a part of our family....I really do. This is our new normal.

Kellen has quite the sweet spirit. He is really sensitive...He gets excited when he is learning something new. He gets excited at praise. He is all boy. Rough and tumble little boy. No barriers are ever in his way. He plows through them. Knocks them over, climbs over, runs through anything in his way. His giggle is the best giggle I have ever heard...from deep down in his toes, his giggle is simply the best. And only his daddy can get it out of him. (Adam has a way to do that...with all our kids...gets them to laugh in a way that only a daddy can.)

He has had a series of doctors appointments that come naturally with an adopted child...especially one coming from a third world country. Through some of those visits with his pediatrician, we both felt that Kellen would benefit from some early intervention child development therapy. So he sees 2 different therapists twice a week. One is an O.T. who is working with him on some Sensory Processing issues and the other is a Developmental Interventionist. They come to us in our home. It's been pretty ok. He is learning (slowly) to allow them to work with him. His speech is still slowly coming. He says just a couple few words, but he is starting to make a lot of beginning noises for words. But the boy is a champ at the baby sign language. I'm so proud. He knows so much more than I remember to give him credit for. He is observant of EVERYTHING. He loves to point at something new and look at me as if he wants me to give him a dissertation about what it is. He gives hugs and kisses and is learning to be gentle with anything that moves. (Remember, he is all boy...:-) It's so fun and exciting to see him form into this little boy in our family who just 6 months ago was still in an orphanage with no family...

Here are a few thoughts of mine on bringing Kellen into our family. Some are "deep" and others, definitely are not:

1) Yes I know my son has brown skin. It's the most beautiful smooth skin. I am aware of it. But it's not the first thing on my mind out in public. I kind of forget about it because he is just simply our son....until random stranger in Wal-Mart asks me how many days a week I baby sit him. My response? "Every day until he turns 18." Smile. (Yes I did tell her that we adopted him.) Same thing happened picking him up from child care at the gym. Another mom said to me "Oh?! He belongs to you?!" Umm...yes.

Those weren't thoughts...just a little story for ya. I really try to handle those situations with grace and forgiveness...Sometimes I see it coming and can prepare myself...and other times it just catches me off guard from total strangers, that the the human part of me has allowed the first thing on my tongue to just fly right off.

2) I don't think I have ever approached a total stranger in public to ask them something so personal. I have had people be very sweet and genuinely interested...I'm not offended by that  but it still catches me off guard.

3) In the adoption world there is much debate discussion over how much of a child's story to share with family, friends, etc before your child knows their own story. I have my own thoughts on that...which is a different blog for a different time. But obviously to complete strangers I don't just blurt out his story even though the curiosity gets the best of them and they just can't help but ask. We had a garage sale earlier this summer and I had Kellen strapped on me in the Ergo. A neighbor lady who comes every summer to the garage sale and seems to enjoy collecting crap treasures, said "Who is this boy? Was he adopted?" Yes. "So he was an orphan?!" Sigh...yep. "Well...tell me...What is his story?"  His story is that he needed a mom and dad and we are his family. "Oh..well uh...good for you!".

4) I don't know what it's like to be abandoned. I don't know what it's like to have parents not able to care for me and give me up for a chance at a better life. I don't know what it's like to have parents and siblings die from preventable diseases. I don't know what it's like to live at the hands of an abusive father or mother. I don't  know what it's like to be separated from the only familiar sounds, smells, touches of my family. I have never experienced being transferred from one place to the next. I never had to be put in an institution for my care and education. But I do know what it's like to be adopted by my Heavenly Father into the Kingdom. I do know what it's like to experience grace and forgiveness. It's our job to teach that to our children.

With adoption for the adoptive family comes JOY. For the baby or child adopted, it also includes extreme loss, pain, confusion and anger. Those emotions will come out in a baby. In a toddler. In a teenager. People are surprised and even disagree when they are told that young adopted children (as in babies) won't ever deal with attachment issues or "adoption" issues because they were adopted so young. WRONG. They do. They have. They will. Look at the research studies behind it. You don't have to look far.

It's our job as their parents to walk with them in their pain...to hold them tighter if they'll let us. To answer the hard questions. To be there and not sugar coat. To talk to them about redemption. And healing. And grace. But to still acknowledge who they are, where they came from and pray for who the Lord will shape them to be.

In the 6 months that Kellen has been with us, he has taught me more about humility, patience and seeing the world through someone elses lens. When his snuggles are starting to become more relaxed and don't feel forced with his head on my shoulder, but one hand pushing me away, I praise the Lord and I don't want to stop rocking him. When he **occasionally** says mama, my heart leaps. (Only happened like twice..but I'll take it) When my girls introduce him to total strangers as their brother, it is so natural.

I really hope and pray that more people can experience the joy of adoption. The hard times have been SO WORTH IT! I pray that we continue to look past what makes us feel comfortable, the worldly things that we must have RIGHT NOW and embrace the uncomfortable. Embrace the scary. Embrace the strange looks. Embrace the new normal. Kellen is worth it. Every second.

Referral Anniversary/Adoption Video

Sorry the format is a little wonky...not enough brain cells left to try and fix it at the moment. You get the point. Here is our Adoption Video...1 year ago we got the referral of Kellen and our lives have been transformed ever since.

3 months home!

I cannot believe we brought Kellen home 3 months ago...The busyness of life has literally taken over doing anything semi-productive that used to be part of my normal routine . I haven't chatted with adoptive families online like I did EVERYDAY while we were all waiting. These families have become such wonderful friends going through the same journey...but now that we are all home (most of us!) we are all lucky if we get a quick "hey how are you?!". I miss you all!

Our family is doing well. We are blessed. We are together. We are living life. These last few months have been FULL with multiple doctor appointments, getting SSN #, figuring out taxes (oi), doing post placement reports, doing re-adoption with the state of Colorado, trying to connect with family and friends, and figuring out our new *normal* as a family.

Kellen is making huge strides in his development. He is eating most food we put in front of him...he is transitioning from the bottle to the sippy cup, and he sleeps really well. He is walking everywhere and LOVES to explore. He says "dada", Hi (Haaaaaaa), and occasionally I'll get a "mama". He gives high fives, waves hello and goodbye and gives a lot of hugs and kisses. We've been teaching him baby sign language which has been a life saver for us. He can sign about 8-10 words. And he is learning to self feed. 

Kellen is all boy...he is a tank. He bulldozes his way to whatever he wants and wherever he wants to go. He loves to tackle his sisters, throw balls (throw anything really) and he loves being tickled, held, and rocked. He has entered the climbing phase...Oh boy. Addison and Ava are so good with him. They love to help get him in the morning by climbing into his crib and bringing him toys. He gets so excited every time he see's Addison. He gives her the biggest hugs. With Ava, they just have a giggle fest together. Ava's favorite activity with him, is when he sits on the back of a blanket and he holds on, she'll just drag him around.

Many people have asked us how he is adjusting. Based on everything I just stated, it sounds pretty well. In terms of bonding and attaching, it's an ongoing work in progress and that is OK! (More on that possibly later!)

Kellen's name means "Mighty warrior". He is a fighter in the best sense of the term. God knew. Some days we look at our kids and can't believe that God blessed us to be their parents. I wouldn't trade these 3 months for anything.

3 months home and his life is just getting started. I hope we can keep up!

The blessings in the middle of the crazy.

I realize that I haven't updated this blog since the end of November. Most people have had updates from the phone or FB. Obviously we are home with our sweet boy, Kellen. I've been wanting to do a post since we've been home and sum up what has happened in our lives over the last 3 months.

To put it bluntly we are still processing everything. We are OVERJOYED that Kellen is with us. We are beyond blessed that we get to be his parents, that he gets to be our son. We cannot imagine our life or family without him. I had so many people tell me "when he is home, you'll forget about all the paperwork, all the worry, all the stress and tears." Nope. It is all still very real for us. I still cry...I still worry, there is still paperwork. Sure we aren't doing the waiting game anymore, no more tickets to buy, no more nursery to get ready...There is still paperwork for post placement reports ,taxes, readoption, doctors appointments, the list goes on. But it's our new normal. That has been our mantra that we live by now...This is our new normal and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'd like to share a bit of what happened with our case and explain a little of what our story is. Every family who has or is adopting has a story. If some of this seems vague, it's because a lot of it is so complicated that it just makes our brain hurt to try and explain in too much detail...

After our case was sent to USCIS Nairobi, we heard from them that they were indeed requesting more evidence on our sons case to prove that he meets the U.S. definition of an orphan. We were provided a report that explains how the U.S. defines an orphan and what they were looking for from us. USCIS also told us that it was up to us, not our adoption agency (more on them in a sec) to prove this. USCIS told us that they would NOT communicate with our agency about this and that the "Burden of Proof" was on us as the Adoptive Parents...and we had 87 days to prove this, or he wouldn't get a visa to come home. I want to make sure that people understand that before our case was sent to USCIS and we were asked for additional proof, we had already been legally declared Kellen's parents. All of his official documents had been issued, our last name had been given to him. He was ours. And this new development of needing more evidence was daunting at first, but it DID NOT derail us. We were not going to give up on our son being in our family. Alright, U.S. Government. Bring it. It's on!

What happened is this:

1-Adam and I loaded up the minivan with luggage and the girls and drove to Dallas. (Most of my family is in Texas)

2-Adam got on a plane with a one way ticket to Ethiopia. No return date set. Me and the girls stayed in Texas for 3 weeks to spend Christmas with my family. We were in fighting mode...We had a peace that surpasses all understanding. We prayed about this and it was so obvious to us and to so many others that this is WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN in order for Kellen to be allowed to be in our family.

3-Adam and our adoption agency in Ethiopia worked like mad men to conduct interviews and an investigation into our son's case. (Another investigation) Let me pause here for a moment and talk about our adoption agency:

What happened to us is not uncommon. Unfortunately it has happened to hundreds of families adopting from Ethiopia in the last few months with all different adoption agencies. We and 1 other family were the first with our agency to have this happen....So we were all walking new territory together. Our adoption agency was SO SUPPORTIVE of Adam going to Ethiopia and figuring this out. They helped us every step of the way. Even though the U.S. government wouldn't allow any official stuff to be turned in on our case from our agency at this point, it had to be turned in by us, our adoption agency paved the way for us getting done what needed to get done. We could not have done it without them. (this was not the case with other families using other adoption agencies...so I HAVE to brag about ours for a bit)

4-Over the course of a couple weeks, Adam interviewed 5 different people who all played an important part in our son's story.

5-We hired an immigration attorney who helped walked Adam and I through all of this.

6- With the help of our attorney and her expertise, we sent off our final report to USCIS...Adam gathered evidence and turned it in to our attorney..She helped write our report to USCIS. It was 112 pages long. Not kidding. 4 pages of orphan definition and details requesting more evidence from our government, turned into 112 pages of PROOF that he was an orphan...Yep, if they were going to make us prove it, we were going to over prove it. Your welcome U.S. Government.

7-We were approved 1 month later. And allowed to bring Kellen home. Adam stayed in Ethiopia the entire time.

Adam and I never once doubted anything with our son's story or orphan status. The stuff we had to "deal" with was annoying, yes. It was hard watching other families go through the same stuff we were...It was so hard feeling completely alone in this. Did we ever doubt God? No. Did we cry tears of anger and frustration and hurt? Yes. A lot. Did we still praise our loving God? Yes. We knew the battle was already won for our son....

What we went through was the biggest challenge we've experienced. In the middle of it all, we had people tell us "oh it must be so hard to have Adam gone for Christmas." "It must be so stressful not knowing if he'll get a visa." "Why is this happening? I don't understand."

Kellen has been home almost 2 months now. In that time, we are still seeing God's hand in the most random things in our adoption. Kellen being in our family is God breathed.

When you know you are right in the middle of God's plan, all the crazy seems less crazy and all you can do is laugh. (Ok I wasn't laughing when the stress turned into shingles for me...but meh...I survived.).Here are the blessings that happened in the middle of all the crazy.

1) Adam got to be with Kellen on his 1st birthday in Ethiopia. Kellen had his daddy with him to sing Happy Birthday. That's pretty awesome.

2)Adam got to be with Kellen for Christmas. 2 Christmases to be exact...Ours and Ethiopian Christmas on Jan 7th. Score!

3) Me and the girls got to have precious family time in Texas for 3 weeks. We were surrounded with so much love and support while Adam was gone from both of our families.

4)Adam was in Ethiopia for 5 weeks. In those 5 weeks, he got to experience even more of our sons history, culture, and past. He fell in love with Ethiopia even more. If we didn't go through what we did, that wouldn't have happened. Adam lived it for more than a month. He met 25 other adoptive families coming through the doors of the guest house who were coming for court. He got to see 25 families meet their precious kids for the first time. That never gets old. He got to celebrate with 25 families passing court.

5) There was another family in Ethiopia with Adam going through the EXACT same thing as us with their child's case. This couple we met in July. They are now LIFE LONG FRIENDS. What they all experienced together is pretty cool and amazing. There are few people in life you get to cry with, pray with and go through life together...I'm thankful for this couple in my husbands life while he was there. They are amazing...and we miss them now that we are home!

6) For 5 weeks, Adam got to begin bonding with Kellen. He had Kellen with him every day. That is something the 2 of them will always have. Be still my heart.

7) Adam is my hero for jumping on a plane without looking back to go and fight for our son. God used him in so many ways....This has changed us. We are still in awe.

8)When we cleared, our attorney called my cellphone at 6am to tell me. I jumped out of bed, ran downstairs, hopped on SKYPE to call Adam and let him know. One of the best days of my life.

When my dad woke up and heard, he started crying. He held me and said that he could see the weight of everything lift off of me. Our family was a world apart...but stronger than ever.

Now that we are home, we don't want to forget what God did in our lives. In Adam's life. In my life...For our family. We have our ups and downs. We are still adjusting to being a family of 5. We have hard days. Kellen has hard days. Not gonna lie.

But we are so thankful for all the wonderful support from our family and friends. For checking in..for praying. For letting me cry at the office...For sending encouraging emails and letters. For giving my girls extra snuggles when I went to Ethiopia to meet up with my husband and son. It means the world to us. We hope we can return the favor to some of you, one day.

Kellen is an orphan NO MORE. One less.

The adoption process maybe *mostly* over, but really it's just the beginning for him and for us. We aren't done.

There is more to do.

Use us Lord.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. You look past the ashes and scars and see restoration. It's our prayer for others to experience it in their life as well.

It's in Kenya!

This morning we had an email from USCIS in Kenya letting us know that they received our file from Addis. Whoop! At least it arrived (not by goat..ha!) I'm thankful it only took a week to arrive. (Hey I'll celebrate anything at this point!)

The *blah* news in the email is that it said they review cases in approx 30-60 days. Ok I realize that this is their stand issue response time regardless if they review it sooner, this is what they say in every form letter to every family they notify....and I know that it could be shorter than that, but my first thought was "Come on people...seriously? Don't you know that his birthday is coming up and I want him to dive into cake?!?!" (I also realize it could very much be in that time frame too....sigh...)

Where can I afford to spend my energy? I'm choosing to spend it praying that they are bored, or have no back log of cases and want nothing more than to read about our boys case and decide for him to get to come home to Colorado and play in the snow. A.S.A.P....STAT. :-)
(thank you michael c. scott)

Fell into a pothole.

Not literally...But our hearts did.

I don't even know where to begin or what to say or how much explaining to do because I just don't have it in me....But I know people have been praying at all hours of the day for us, offering us words of encouragement and sending sweet text messages to check in. That has all meant the world to us..Thank you.

Last Wednesday morning, we woke up to an email from the Embassy. It had the dreaded words in it. Our case has been sent to Nairobi, Kenya for further review. Crash. Tears. Headaches. Processing. More crying (me). UGH!

What does this mean? It means that the USCIS office in Kenya gets to look over our case and decide if they will require further information to clear us, or if everything already looks perfect and pretty and they clear us right away....(Side note: This has become very common on cases in recent months, so ours is not "uncommon", but still very upsetting and frustrating, none the less...and I could talk your ear off on all the details about all this but I won't.)

When will it arrive in Kenya? We don't know. They said they are sending it by express mail...I know what that means in the U.S.....but I don't know what "express" means from Ethiopia to Kenya. Hopefully it will arrive sometime this week.

What now? This is the million dollar question. The easy answer is that we just continue to wait and wait and wait some more...meanwhile we are working like busy bees behind the scenes and trying to be proactive on many additional fronts and keep working on getting him home.

I'll admit it. We have moments of anger. We are drained. We are beyond frustrated. It shouldn't be *this hard* for him to have a family...but then I remember "You know what? The devil doesn't want him in a family, so yes it will be this hard" I've said it before but we are literally fighting a spiritual battle to bring him home so we can't give up.

Please keep praying for him. His 1st birthday is coming up in 2 1/2 weeks. I ache at the thought of him not with us. Please keep praying for our case, for the people who's hands are on his paperwork, for wisdom as we swim through a lot of information and decisions and keep moving forward.

Thanks for your prayers & encouragement. We need it now more than ever.