My thoughts....6 months home.

Wow....I really have let life pass by these last few months with completely ignoring the blog. But I hope to be a bit more regular with this...not just about Kellen and adoption, but about orphan care and social justice issues in general.

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated that Kellen had been home for 6 months! That is just crazy. I've heard people say when they adopt that they feel like their child has always been a part of their family forever...I will be honest...at 1 month, 2 months and even 4 months home, I didn't totally feel that way. The love was there. The time and attention was there. The sibling bickering was there. But we were still adjusting to being a family of 5. Kellen was still finding his place in sharing his mommy and daddy with his sisters. This makes sense to me because he is playing catch up on actually having a mommy and daddy. I don't blame him for always wanting to take 120% of our attention. All. the. time. But he is slowly learning that he is just as important to us as the girls are. And that sometimes he just has to wait his turn. And it's really cute when he knows he has to wait...we say "Now it's Addison's turn." and he puts his hands behind his back and purses his little lips as if he can hardly stand the wait!! We were in such a fog those first few months and felt like we were living survival mode every day. I don't want to sound discouraging...But I want to be honest. We knew it was going to be hard. And it was/is. But NOW I can say that I really do feel like he has always been a part of our family....I really do. This is our new normal.

Kellen has quite the sweet spirit. He is really sensitive...He gets excited when he is learning something new. He gets excited at praise. He is all boy. Rough and tumble little boy. No barriers are ever in his way. He plows through them. Knocks them over, climbs over, runs through anything in his way. His giggle is the best giggle I have ever heard...from deep down in his toes, his giggle is simply the best. And only his daddy can get it out of him. (Adam has a way to do that...with all our kids...gets them to laugh in a way that only a daddy can.)

He has had a series of doctors appointments that come naturally with an adopted child...especially one coming from a third world country. Through some of those visits with his pediatrician, we both felt that Kellen would benefit from some early intervention child development therapy. So he sees 2 different therapists twice a week. One is an O.T. who is working with him on some Sensory Processing issues and the other is a Developmental Interventionist. They come to us in our home. It's been pretty ok. He is learning (slowly) to allow them to work with him. His speech is still slowly coming. He says just a couple few words, but he is starting to make a lot of beginning noises for words. But the boy is a champ at the baby sign language. I'm so proud. He knows so much more than I remember to give him credit for. He is observant of EVERYTHING. He loves to point at something new and look at me as if he wants me to give him a dissertation about what it is. He gives hugs and kisses and is learning to be gentle with anything that moves. (Remember, he is all boy...:-) It's so fun and exciting to see him form into this little boy in our family who just 6 months ago was still in an orphanage with no family...

Here are a few thoughts of mine on bringing Kellen into our family. Some are "deep" and others, definitely are not:

1) Yes I know my son has brown skin. It's the most beautiful smooth skin. I am aware of it. But it's not the first thing on my mind out in public. I kind of forget about it because he is just simply our son....until random stranger in Wal-Mart asks me how many days a week I baby sit him. My response? "Every day until he turns 18." Smile. (Yes I did tell her that we adopted him.) Same thing happened picking him up from child care at the gym. Another mom said to me "Oh?! He belongs to you?!" Umm...yes.

Those weren't thoughts...just a little story for ya. I really try to handle those situations with grace and forgiveness...Sometimes I see it coming and can prepare myself...and other times it just catches me off guard from total strangers, that the the human part of me has allowed the first thing on my tongue to just fly right off.

2) I don't think I have ever approached a total stranger in public to ask them something so personal. I have had people be very sweet and genuinely interested...I'm not offended by that  but it still catches me off guard.

3) In the adoption world there is much debate discussion over how much of a child's story to share with family, friends, etc before your child knows their own story. I have my own thoughts on that...which is a different blog for a different time. But obviously to complete strangers I don't just blurt out his story even though the curiosity gets the best of them and they just can't help but ask. We had a garage sale earlier this summer and I had Kellen strapped on me in the Ergo. A neighbor lady who comes every summer to the garage sale and seems to enjoy collecting crap treasures, said "Who is this boy? Was he adopted?" Yes. "So he was an orphan?!" Sigh...yep. "Well...tell me...What is his story?"  His story is that he needed a mom and dad and we are his family. "Oh..well uh...good for you!".

4) I don't know what it's like to be abandoned. I don't know what it's like to have parents not able to care for me and give me up for a chance at a better life. I don't know what it's like to have parents and siblings die from preventable diseases. I don't know what it's like to live at the hands of an abusive father or mother. I don't  know what it's like to be separated from the only familiar sounds, smells, touches of my family. I have never experienced being transferred from one place to the next. I never had to be put in an institution for my care and education. But I do know what it's like to be adopted by my Heavenly Father into the Kingdom. I do know what it's like to experience grace and forgiveness. It's our job to teach that to our children.

With adoption for the adoptive family comes JOY. For the baby or child adopted, it also includes extreme loss, pain, confusion and anger. Those emotions will come out in a baby. In a toddler. In a teenager. People are surprised and even disagree when they are told that young adopted children (as in babies) won't ever deal with attachment issues or "adoption" issues because they were adopted so young. WRONG. They do. They have. They will. Look at the research studies behind it. You don't have to look far.

It's our job as their parents to walk with them in their pain...to hold them tighter if they'll let us. To answer the hard questions. To be there and not sugar coat. To talk to them about redemption. And healing. And grace. But to still acknowledge who they are, where they came from and pray for who the Lord will shape them to be.

In the 6 months that Kellen has been with us, he has taught me more about humility, patience and seeing the world through someone elses lens. When his snuggles are starting to become more relaxed and don't feel forced with his head on my shoulder, but one hand pushing me away, I praise the Lord and I don't want to stop rocking him. When he **occasionally** says mama, my heart leaps. (Only happened like twice..but I'll take it) When my girls introduce him to total strangers as their brother, it is so natural.

I really hope and pray that more people can experience the joy of adoption. The hard times have been SO WORTH IT! I pray that we continue to look past what makes us feel comfortable, the worldly things that we must have RIGHT NOW and embrace the uncomfortable. Embrace the scary. Embrace the strange looks. Embrace the new normal. Kellen is worth it. Every second.