Attachment

When I was around 2 years old, I was rushed to the hospital with an abscess on my tonsils which was making it hard for me to breathe. It is actually one of my very first memories of life. I remember the ambulance ride, my Raggedy Ann doll strapped on the gurney with me. I remember being scared and not able to move. I remember asking for my daddy. This might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but my mom tells me that it was one of the first times I had asked for my dad. I needed him. I wanted him to take care of me. He was there. Usually at that age, I preferred my mother. (I don't have a picture of me with my dad at the hospital at that age, so we'll settle for one of him with Addison as a newborn.)

When Addison was born, she had an instant attachment to Adam. They bonded right away without any effort. She was and still is, his little girl. When Ava was born, that bonding and attachment didn't come as natural for Ava. And let me be clear here...it wasn't for lack of effort on Adam's part. He tried. He held her, gave her a bottle, rocked her, did all the normal daddy things as he did with Addison. But for whatever reason she always preferred me over him. This was hard on both of us. We didn't understand. For Adam it was bard because he so wanted to feel bonded to her. He loves her so much. In Ava's short life of 20 months, she had had a variety of medical issues. In February she was hospitalized for a virus and was there for 5 nights...then home on oxygen for another week. 3 weeks later she was back in the hospital with breathing problems again and pneumonia. She was there another week. It was a scary time for us with our daughter.

I'll never forget rushing her to the hospital because her oxygen at home wasn't cutting it. Her face had turned this awful yellow color and around her mouth it was turning shades of blue and green. They had to pump 3 Liters of oxygen PER MINUTE to stabilize her. We were worried. We were scared. We weren't in control of our daughters life. We wanted to be. We wanted to fix it. The first night we were at the hospital, Ava could not settle down. I was trying all of my mommy tricks. Nothing worked. Finally I gave up and handed her to Adam. Literally 2 minutes later she fell asleep. In her daddy's arms. She couldn't settle down because she needed her daddy. They bonded in the hospital on those 2 separate visits. It took about a year before she "wanted" her daddy. To this day, Adam and I get emotional thinking about it. They have been best buddies since.

(The moment it happened for Ava Joy.)

I share these stories because I have NO IDEA what our bonding and attachment with our son will be like. I certainly hope it doesn't follow in me or Ava's footsteps and require a scary hospital visit! We have taken classes on bonding/attachment. We have articles and books to read. But until we bring him home, it is out of our control. I'll admit, this is probably the one area I'm most worried about right now. Bonding and attachment with adoption are very real struggles and part of the process. I'm worried about him attaching to me as his mommy, Adam as his daddy, and his two beautiful big sisters as his sisters. But we will put our best foot forward (I have big feet!) and trust that it will happen.